Author explores ways of being through gratitude, love, joy, happiness and hope

The five ways of being—gratitude, love, joy, happiness and hope—are pulled together by faith, says author Monique Gray Smith.

Smith’s newest book, Sharing the Light: Stories and Reflections, explores “how do I be in the world.”

“I think faith is the thread that weaves them all together. I think when we talk about faith, we don't always have to talk about faith explicitly. I think sometimes it's hard to be in a grateful place or offer gratitude if we don't have some faith,” said Smith, who is of Cree and Scottish descent. She lives in the traditional territory of the WSÁNEĆ people near Victoria, B.C.

Gratitude begins the continuum of what Smith refers to as the five ways of being. 

“Gratitude builds on love and, when we're experiencing love, our ability to experience and see joy is heightened…Because joy just comes in fleetingly with us. Feeling happier can stay longer. So they do, they build on each other and they circle back. There's that beautiful reciprocity between all of these ways of being that in some ways sustain each other,” said Smith.

These ways of being, or principles, were how Smith and her sister were raised by their mother. Smith says her mother wasn’t raised in community and had a difficult life but, even when they were houseless, the principles were still important to her. 

“These principles are how…in the most difficult times of my life, they have literally kept me alive. And also, in the times in my life when there have been incredible blessings, they're also important. They're not just important in the darkness, but they're also important when we're in the light,” she said.

Smith guides her readers by sharing her personal stories, offering moments for self-reflection, including considering who they have in their lives. Most people have self-doubts, she says, so do they need to be surrounded by people who bring them down or raise them up? 

“I have enough beliefs in my head to put me in my place, right? I don't need somebody else to do that. And that's why I think that these ways of being are so important, because we do have enough of our own intrinsic ways of dimming our own light that we have to cultivate our light,” she said.

Smith writes that “welcoming light into our lives is an act of courage… The darkness requires us to be vulnerable and receive tender care from either someone or some being sharing their light with us.”

It takes courage to become parents, Smith said, “because what happens is it calls on us to change some of our patterns.”

Smith said that while her mother had ways of showing her and her sister that she loved them, it wasn’t until Smith was 36 years old and her twins were born that her mother said for the first time, ‘I love you.’ 

“That light of these two little beings that came into the world that moved her identity from Mom to Kookum gave her the courage to say these…four words. She would say, ‘I love you, Chum’,” said Smith. “And we don't talk about that often, about when we've had a significant loss, the courage to feel joy again, the courage to pay attention to joy. That does take courage. The courage to love again when our heart has been broken.”

These ways of being are also important in transforming “so the next generation has less to heal from,” she writes. 

Smith chokes up when she talks about this. “I think it's as simple as ‘our children are watching’. And so (the) work (we do) says, ‘Because I’ve done that work, you don’t have to.’ There’s been healing that has happened.”

Smith’s father finished school at Grade 4, her mother had a Grade 7 education and then went to hairdressing school. Smith didn’t graduate from high school but returned to get her Grade 12 diploma. Both her children graduated high school, and her daughter will be graduating from university in June.

“When we do work, the generational changes happen. And that's only one example. I’m not saying that formal education is the answer to everything. The education of our ways of being are also the answer,” said Smith.

Doing that work is ongoing, she stresses. It helps prepare for life’s unexpected challenges.

“We think about our bundle of gifts that we've each been blessed with. In that continuous growing and learning, we're learning more ways of how to contribute to the wellness of the world…and that could be as simple as opening a door for somebody and smiling at them. That can change somebody's whole trajectory,” said Smith. “I'm not talking about massive global change, but these small things that change trajectories.”

She also cautions readers to be gentle with themselves and to show themselves and others mercy.

“Sometimes ‘mercy’ can be a very difficult word to describe because I think it's different for everyone. For me, mercy is how do I be gentle with myself? How do I be gentle with other people?” she said. “It's this gentleness with our own spirit and our own life's journey. And in that, when we can do that for ourselves, we can do it for others.”

Sharing the Light: Stories and Reflections is published by House of Anansi Press and will be released Jan. 26. It can be pre-ordered at https://www.indigo.ca/en-ca/sharing-the-light-stories-and-reflections/9781487013547.html?lgcykwrd=9781487013547