To the Editor:
A large portion of Indigenous peoples, including those of mixed-heritage backgrounds, have grown up away from specific nationhood belonging, territories and reserves, a point that has deep systemic and colonial reasons.
For many of these people, at some point in their life, they begin to seek out familial and community connections to better understand where they come from, reconnect with their cultures and uncover the reasons for the disconnection in the first place.
The lack of community ties is a sore point, one that can erect high barriers and further confuse the issues they face around identity, belonging and labels.
I am one of those people.
Growing up I knew I was mixed, part Indigenous and part other things, though I am not sure if it was because my mother told me about it or if it was because I recognized early on that I didn’t quite look like anyone else in my family or, generally, the people I went to school with or saw in public. Sometimes I wonder if maybe it has to do with blood-memory and spirit.
Growing up I didn’t understand where I belonged. For me, this sense of in-between was more than simply having multiple ancestral backgrounds and not fitting fully in on “either side”. It was also a spiritual sense of noticing the subtle energies of the world, seen and unseen.
As I grew up, I was searching for anything I could to reconnect me to my Métis roots. The loss, grief and shame of not knowing that side of my family has permeated my life and identity for some time. I can’t say that it has been fully resolved, but the picture has become much clearer.
At different points in my young life, I was honored by the kindness of others who took me into their homes, to sweat lodges, and saw a familiarity in me that I longed to be recognized for. These invitations and memories stayed with me as I tried to reconnect with my Indigenous ancestry and combine it with the German side that I also knew nothing about.
Eventually I was able to reconnect with my grandmother after over 30 years of searching and wondering. My grandmother lives on the Fishing Lake Métis Settlement and some of my half-siblings and relatives live in St. Paul, Enoch and other parts of Alberta. Our ancestry has Métis, Cree, Iroquois and Blackfoot heritage.
While in some ways this information helped with the questions I held throughout my life, it also opened up more questions for me in how to identify and a desire to know more about their stories.
For me, and what I assume is partially true for a good portion of mixed-heritage Canadians, including those with Indigenous ancestry, is that my identity as a Canadian isn’t a fulsome representation of who I actually am. Having a clear association to a family lineage with land-based membership is not available to a number of these people, just as it is not available to me. Therefore, different pathways are used to reconnect with one’s culture and figure out how it all fits together.
For example, educational and employment pathways have helped me gain the understanding of colonial history and its impacts on Indigenous identity, build connections with community members and heal some of the psychological, emotional and spiritual wounds that dulled my self-worth. At the time, through this healing, I have been able to open my heart to a side of my family that I didn’t grow up with and rebuild the relationship from a place of forgiveness and openness. I know others are on this journey too.
For people who grew up away from cultural and community connections, the journey of rediscovery and reconnection can be painful, confusing, full of blocks and stops and take years before some felt sense of connection and understanding formulates. Even with this, they may still be barred from belonging to a nation, territory or community. Where does that leave the Métis and mixed-heritage people who are calling to be remembered, yet have few ties to tether them to somewhere?
Belonging is so tied to place. And I still struggle deeply with these questions.
Author and teacher Bonita Lawrence shared in her book Real Indians and Others : Mixed-Blood Urban Native Peoples and Indigenous Nationhood (2004) that “beginning to see the differences between contemporary Indian and Métis communities as distinct branches of the same root might bring about the possibility of working together for common goals as Indigenous communities.”
My existence as a mixed-heritage person is a reminder that who we are and where we come from can go beyond labels and membership. It reminds me that, at the core, I come from Mother Earth, from the stars, from my ancestors and their dreams. Just like every other person. I am not split between two worlds, but inherently whole in my differences.
I will continue to learn what this means. How I walk in this world from that intent will guide my actions, and I believe that as we keep learning to come together we can protect what makes groups distinct while also welcoming in the branches that have grown apart. We are waiting to be remembered.
Ashley Reimer